"Oh, silly smart man. Me no tell you speculation. Me only speak truth. Truth me uncle taught me. See, say hi uncle."

Oozy listens to the ambassador’s exact words, and sits one chair away from him. Then from out of a sack Oozy pulls a mummified Elorri head and sits it on the table right next to Tukufu. The two silver coins covering the Elorri’s eyes staring the poor ambassador squarely in the face.

“Good afternoon gentlemen. I am Arundel. I adopted Ooze Jumper some years back before my death.” Wait, what? Did the head just talk? "I trust that Oozy can retale tales in a more entertainng manner than I can," the head continues. "He speaks for me while my spirit is elsewhere."

"Curious smartman silent. Smartman normally wordy. He must be sick. Dragon must have tongue. I cure."

Ooze Jumper reaches into his oversized pouch and pulls out a small paper packet that looks quite similar to a Altherian shot pack. Cracking the glass vial contained within the paper, Ooze Jumper holds the strong smelling salts under Tukufu's nose.

"BEHAVE YOURSELF Ooze Jumper!" Cries the head that calls itself Arundel. "Haven't you given the poor Ambassador enough grief? He's just patiently waiting to hear our 'speculation".

"Yes uncle. Rightaway uncle. Sorry Smartman," sulks the poor pitiful gnome. "Ok. I speak truth now. "Gods committed suicide." Then there is silence.

"Oozy. A little context for the audiance...." As Arundel breaks the tension of the room.

"Gods kill Father. Commit suicide." Reply's Oozy.

"And....." Says Arundel.

"Death. Simple movment. Here to there."

"Very good, Ooze Jumper." says an approving disembodied head. "Now let me elaborate for those of you that are not following along. Life and death are simply two sides of the same of the same strip of paper. Here. Take this strip of parchment. Write life across the top. Write death across the bottom. Now give the strip a one half twist and use this bit of pitch to glue the bottom to the top. Take your pen and start drawing a continuous line on the paper. Don't take the pen off. Just draw. Notice that there is only one side to the paper. This is the Universe. From this we learn that life and death are but two sides of the same thing. Two sides in one side.

"Imagine if you where standing on the paper. You could not see across to the other side of that which you stand on. But what is below you is still there on the same side. Same Universe. When peaple, or gods, or plants die their spirit travels through the paper to the bottom side. But they never really leave, or do they? So, when the gods died, they moved within the universe to a side of the paper that we can not see. We can't see them. They can't see us.

"But why did the gods die? Look to the Andi. They belive that there is one god called Aii. That all the human pantheon is part of Aii. But I tell you that the gods and Aii can not hold sway over power at the same time. This brings conflict. The gods sought to destroy Aii many years ago, but because the universe is one, they could not. They could only lock him away on the other side of the paper. Much to their dismay, when they locked Aii away they locked themselves away. Thus in a sense they committed suicide.

"Silence Uncle. I hear footsteps. Must go. Inquisition coming.

::Listening carefully to the heresy before you, you notice that the sound of Arundels voice moves as Oozejumper moves about and prepares to leave the room::

Looks at Vincent. Looks at Belthazor.

"Well. Like I said. Memorable.

"More wine anyone?"

"Yes. Please. Me talk much. Make me thirsty."

As Tukufu is pooring the wine, Ooze Jumper packes up Arundel the Wise but quite dead elorri and places him back into his saddle bag. Then from accross the room the sound of a jack booted thug can be heard goose stepping across the stone floor.

"Too late. Inquisition here." From out of the bag marches a small wooden doll dressed in Coryani Musculata and wearing a Legio Lex Taliois tabard.

"Hello Heritics! You have heard the suicide heresy. You must all burn for your transgressions. Yes everyone except the Nierite watching in the corner. He I will crucify." Declairs the wooden puppet. The puppet turned inquisitor struggles to reach for the lit candle in the middle of the table. It seams a bit too heavy for him to move.

"Want help Richard?" Interjects Ooze Jumper.

"No. No. The Heretics must die at my hand." Replys the puppet. "ACK!!! I'M FIRE!!!" Screams the puppet as his tabbard catches the flame. Ooze Jumper puts out the flame with a pinch of his finger.

"Richard. Stop burning. Might make friends." Replys Ooze Jumper. "Back up. Introduce self."

"I am Richard the Inquisitor all must bow to the power given me by the church or DIE!". Richard then surches franticly through the saddle bag. "Hey, Oozy, where did you put the matches?"

"Me appologize. Little Richard obsessed. He think he inquisitor." Turning to the puppet, "Richard. Why crucify Nierite?"

"Oozy, have you tried buring a Nierite recently. They are fireproof!"

“Richard. Guests. Maybe. Have something in common? Make friends?”, Asks Oozejumper.

“What could I possibly have in common with a scribe, a ssressen, and a dead man?” Reply’s Little Richard.

“”Love of books.” Retorts Ooze Jumper.

“Books! Books? Oh you mean BOOKS! Yes, yes I love books. Books lead to knowledge. Knowledge leads to questioning. Questioning leads to Heresy. Heresy leads to job security. So YES I love books! They keep me employed.”

“Smart Man. Lots of books. Richard.”

“Ok good. I like Mr. Smartman,” Says Little Richard. “He keeps me warm and employed.”

“What you mean warm?” Inquires Ooze Jumper.

“Books burn real good!”

“NO! NO Richard. Show brotherly love. Uonavache.”

“Oh you mean that holiday that comes once every year where we celebrate the departure of the gods from Onara so humanity can stand on its own? Yea I don’t celebrate it. It sounds too much like a mourner conspiracy.”

“But. All churches celebrate. Even elorri.”

“Oh really the elorri celebrate a human holiday of departure and independence? OK. How do you wish a Happy Uonavache in Eloran?

From out of the saddlebag with Arundel the Wise within it comes the answer. “Good Ridden”.

Stepping out of character for a moment... Ooze Jumper stands up strait and says, "Thank you one and all for attending tonights performance. I will be appearing on Fish Street all week! Don't forget to buy my book, 'Playing with Sticks.'"

Ooze Jumper then politely takes a seat at the table and prepares to sign autographs.

Belthazor was uncharacteristically speechless as Ooze Jumper went through his... well, whatever that was. His expression, however, retained its usual passivity. Finally, he looked to the Ambassador. "More wine?" he asked. "I would have once thought I'd had too much, but given my current condition, I'm quite certain that it's the reverse."

He offered a subtle half-smile. "I thought Gnomie was bad forty years ago. The strange affliction visited upon the half-dwarves seems to manifest in most unusual ways that vary from one poor soul to the next. Some are villains. Some are heroes. And still others exhibit a madness that would make Larissa seem one hundred percent sane. Nonetheless, it is never dull."