My dear Ambassador,
Thank you for your response! Your shop was one of the places I sought to get a copy of the letter to as from my reading, you are a learned man adept at putting your keen insights and wit to paper. To be clear I have been careful as to the dissemination of my letters and the means by which our correspondence will continue should you graciously decide to do so. You are right that a group of friends would indeed make life better. I am not a recluse much as my initial letter might otherwise indicate, but there will likely always be a barrier to revealing my true self to anyone in person given the risks to both them and myself. Have you stood with a group of individuals who you've shared common endeavors with and desperately wished to consider yourself a member of their fellowship, only to realize that you are not seen in that way? They may even claim you as friend and yet you are not the one they turn their head to talk to except perhaps to discuss the task at hand. Consider perhaps this letter as an attempt to finally reach out once again and connect. It has the benefit of being able to share the true me - to be accepted or rejected as the readers of my letters decide. At least I am comforted with the fact that I put my true self out here rather than having been rejected perhaps for my normal guardedness.
As for the curious statement in the letter, you are correct I have perhaps let hubris put to paper thoughts better kept concealed. I also confess to a bit of misdirection in my honesty if you will. To be clear, I am Raynard Virdan, though that is not a name the world knows me by. It has only ever been spoken once and then only by my true parents when substantial efforts were made to ensure discretion for the meeting. It was at a time when I was old enough to appreciate the significance of the naming and their willingness to claim me though the world beyond would never likely know. Should I encounter you beyond the confines of the page it will by definition be of a more guarded nature for the very reasons you have expressed so correctly in your missive. I have taken great pains to not raise the attention of that hellish isle nor the baleful eyes sent forth at the behest of so abominable a ruler. Gunther val'Tensen's description in his treatise Black Horizon was far more poetic though as far as I can tell, little has changed with the ruler of the isle in the centuries since it was written. Have you read it by chance? Given the nature of your business it would not surprise me if a copy has made it's way through your shop.
My longing for what I see as my heritage lies not in an expression of power be it psionic or bloodline in nature. In that regard I have power sufficient for my needs. I have had some try and explain the feeling of that connection to one of the members of the Pantheon because of the blood that flows through their veins and what words they are able to summon are summarily inadequate. It is a sense of connection that I will never know. A possible opportunity for comfort and support and strength, given my condition if you will. Instead it feels more like being born with a sense missing. Some would say it is hard to miss what you have never had and yet it is sometimes hard not to long for that which could have been. As overly idealized as my conception of the connection might be, it is not something I will ever be able to definitely and experientially lay to rest. Perhaps as I age these longings will fade. Consider the cost though. In revealing who I truly am to me and claiming me, my parents also laid a burden upon my soul without intending to. I struggle with my feelings regarding this and towards them.
I have likely had more contact than many with their parents born into similar circumstances. I am curious how frequently situations such as mine occur though. I had heard rumor that vals always breed true. I am myself living proof that that is not the case. This begs the question though whether something has changed since that addage was coined or whether instead, that by discretely placing non-val children with human families it has been made a truism. I would be curious as to other perspectives.
I will continue to pen further missives have no fear. It is a way to truly be myself. One copy is always given to the fire though. I may not share the full blood of my families or be a living prayer to Nier himself, but I can humbly offer him my soul through flame and hope that it is, just perhaps, enough.
In Nier's fire,
Raynard Virdan
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